Monday, 14 July 2014

Virginia Woolf

Yesterday was an incredibly emotional day, full of splendour but also sadness. I came to the end of the diaries of Virginia Woolf; the genius modernist author of the 20th Century.
I had been living with her, in her every day jottings for many weeks, trying to read as much as I could squeeze into an evening after work. I feel so privileged to have been able to get hold of these diaries, these very personal outpourings from her day to day life. I read from 1915 up until the day before she tragically drowned herself.

What can I say about such an incredible artist? She filled the world with her words, her thoughts, the things she saw and loved. She has given me many things: first of all she would always try to 'find the phrase' for things, 'things I see'. I love this, when you write yourself you see the relevance of finding the words to describe on your tongue. When I see wonder or beauty or ugliness, anything that touches me, I shall try to find the phrase for it.
 Secondly she had a wonderful talent at describing people; the way they looked or found a metaphor for the way their smile worked, such fluent unforgettable pictures were conjured up in my head because of her literate, imaginative mind. She would sit listening to her guests and would describe them in her mind, thinking all the time of how fascinating everyone was.
 Thirdly, she has encouraged me to write all the time. To keep writing, even when busy, just to write, write write, think and write, speak it out, write it down, that is how we grow in our gifts.
 Fourthly, she adored her friends and family so much, in a simple straight forward way that they knew she needed them and they needed her.
 And finally, there is the fact that underneath she was an ordinary human being with extraordinary talent; she was humble; refusing publicity, literary honours. She lived every day to find something that was worth that living.

 She has touched my life because her soul runs through everything she writes and I couldn't help but think I knew her, as an intimate friend.

So to thank Virginia for her time with me and to show the world how beautiful she was and still is, I would like to post one quote, every day from her diary for the next couple of weeks. These entries are ones that inspired me, fascinating me or just brought something to life.

So Virginia- here's to you.


  1. But what can you say about her suicide?? Do you think it helped her because she became free from further sufferings, or do you think that suicide is always wrong even if it is done to help oneself to end sufferings??

    When I was still very Catholic-minded, I always feared suicide because Catholics believe that all sins could be possibly forgiven, but when a person commits suicide, he would never ever be forgiven by God and would never ever be allowed to heaven.
    So miserable my life would be during those times, even when I was at the point of committing suicide, I could not do it, I was so afraid..

    But now that I am becoming more Protestant-minded, and have discovered God's Grace, His unconditional love, I now feel that whatever I do, I would end up in heaven the fear of suicide has lessened..
    And now through these miserable days, it's coming again..that desire to escape from all these miseries..and my fear of ending myself has now considerably weakened..

    I'm not so afraid anymore..Do you think I was better off during those days of fear, or I am better now that I don't fear suicide..?
    I'm so terrible these days :( I do not want to talk to anyone because they would never understand if they live a life where they have choices..some live life without choices too, but at least they are not alone..there are people who are quite willing to fall by sharing the misery with the person..
    But in my life, not only that I don't have any choice at all but also I am absolutely alone and nobody would be loving enough to share this, nobody :( :(

    I think when I discovered God's Grace, I felt that nothing else in this life matter anymore..that I have accomplished everything that I'm meant to accomplish.. So now there's nothing more to be done here, and I want to leave..
    It's better that way..If I continue the pathetic existence, it's not only me who would suffer, but others are also being it's better that I'm not here

    1. Ramon, you are loved and cherished by our God and there is someone who holds each of your tears, he has them all, every one you have cried. He is there with you, always. I think our God understands every thought we have and he knows when we can become almost despairing, he understands when people commit suicide, he understands because he understands us, he knows we go through hard times, but the thing is he doesn't want suicide to be the end for you or any one of his children. He will give you the strength to compete the race you are running for him, if you come to him in your time of need- he will restore you, 'Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.'- Isaiah 40:30-31

      Read his word Ramon, read of his promises, the Word never grows weary, it is alive and active like a double-edged sword! I just think that in the trials we face- God has a reason for giving them to us - he knows we can handle it in the end if we trust him, he will never let us have more than we can bear. If you are given much, than God has great faith in you, that you will be made stronger through it, that you will be renewed and made more like Jesus. Do you know, I thank God for the trials I am in, because I know that they are making me more and more empathetic to others- I can offer myself to them because I will have been exactly where they are.

      Take courage Ramon, and let your light shine before men and women. Be bold, be strong, for the Lord of angel armies cares for you,

    2. If you ever feel you need to accomplish more, try to help people around

      Watch this. It might get you inspired

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  4. Thank you dear Joanna for your beautiful words..

    I have a little hope now because I remembered the very reason why Jesus came to earth: to die for our sins, pains, and sufferings..

    I thought of that last Tuesday, and so far nothing bad has happened yet.. There was another great storm and it caused great havoc here..there was no electricity and water for days.

    But I don't consider the storm as real suffering because it is nothing compared to the things that I dread..

    Thank you for your nice words..but sometimes I cannot believe that "what does not kill us only makes us stronger".. You said that the sufferings would only make me stronger..but it so weakened me.. Of course it made me strong spiritually, and like you said "more like Jesus." That's what I feel these days--more and more drawn to the spiritual world that I seem to be detached from this mortal and material world..And it's difficult to live spiritually in a material world. I should at least appreciate material things in order to adopt ..

    But thank you for all your words of wonder. You're always there for me when I am losing faith..I know it should only be between me and God to work out our relationship..But I notice that whenever I become weak in faith, you always do something that helps me to understand.
    Do you know just how important is what you do to me???

    You speak of an army of angels, but for me you're better than angels. Do you believe in angels? For me, if ever there are angels I always see them as the spirits who are a little prejudiced of the lowly mortal world, so they didn't follow their fellow spirits(who are incarnated in mortal form as humans) to live here.
    But you are an angel-like being, and you're not prejudiced of this world because your spirit chose to live here with mortals to help them to relate closer with God---exactly as what you do to me.

    There are philanthropists who merely give money but do not go and actually be near the impoverished people they wish to help. Then there are philanthropists who help by going to the slums, being amongst the dirty and poor people, to make them feel care with the personal touch.

    If angels are philanthropists, they are the former, and you are the latter.

    God bless you dearest..and thank you.