Do you know I used to think many things about love, I had a million and one ideas about what I thought was love and what wasn't. The idea of romantic love made me question all that I had been raised to think. I thought that the blooming passion and sensitivity of romantic love was superficial. I had seen with my own eyes romantic 'love' that only lasted three weeks or two years at the most. I thought it told us to give up, that it only displayed a selfish and useless waste of emotion and time.
But there has always been a constant and grounded love in my life, one that has been with me from my very first breath and will be until my last, and that is God's love for me. A divine love for his children. Here is the difference: Divine - Natural... love.
When I am feeling disappointed with the 'love' presented in this world I look to my mother, to Jesus, to my family and friends and there I find love in action. There I am always encouraged that there is still love out there that is actually love. Do you know the world was trying to trick me to think that love was heartbreak and rejection or confusion?
Now I see that romantic love shouldn't be in one genre all on its own. If it is then we are all in trouble, because love shouldn't be classified. If it is only romantic than it will fade and wither once the passion subsides, if it is only selfish it will soon run out when the person stops liking the other person and wanting to be around them. Romance is good when enthused through selfless love, but it is certainly not everything, only one colour of the rainbow that makes love.
Leo Buscaglia, was a great lover of a man who aimed to live life and taste and feel and touch everything, even pain and despair, well he taught me that if love expects love in return, it was never love in the first place. Because love never expects, it doesn't need that to survive; love loves to love.
We don't have enough role models to look up to. Surrounding us are broken marriages and failing and fleeting relationships. This is a difficult area because there are many reasons for a breakdown, but I want to challenge the world to look out for unbiased, selfless and all-giving, unconditional love. Love that says 'hey I'm sorry that you don't want to be with me any more, or that you want to move out and start your own life, but I still love you. I'll never give you up! How can love ever change from what it is?' But humans fail and even mothers can give up their children, so we must constantly look to God to find a stable and all-encompassing love that never, ever fails. And if God could fail in his love for you, than he would cease to be God, because God is love, it is a circle that will never be broken.
Yes there may be instances where couples cannot remain together, or sisters or brothers fall out with each other, but we must try harder. We must strive to be like our creator.
Some people say that to be idealistic is ridiculous and not true to life, but where there is hope there is always life. And living life, I mean actually living (tasting food, touching the bark on trees, breathing the scent of summer) is loving. You cannot be dead and dried up and apathetic and be living and therefore you cannot be loving. When you embrace all that is found here on earth, even the trials and tears, you can love fully and wonderfully.
An answer: to risk. When we risk we gain. Even if it is loss because through that it has already changed us and change is good, it's healthy, it's human. We cannot learn unless we change.
Do you know why I think so many today are loosing out in relationships? Because they have lost themselves. They have lost what is so special about them. They have become overwhelmed in the idea of another person and have forfeited themselves.Perhaps they never found themselves from the start, perhaps their upbringing never taught them or showed them how to cherish their uniqueness. If so than now is the time to start seeing you. knowing you. You must learn to love you, to love yourself, if you miss that one aim in life, how can you possibly appreciate anyone else for how unique they are? I don't mean you have to be egotistical and big-headed- that is nowhere near what loving yourself should be. If you are egotistical than you are spoiling yourself, ruining yourself.
There is no one on earth quite like you that surely means that you were made to be just and only you!
If you don't love yourself you will be constantly afraid, you will be insecure, you will live in doubt and fear. You will place all your hopes and dreams upon someone else because only then do you think you will get what you deserve and then when they can't give you what you hunger for you breakdown and can't face the world any more or humanity. That's certainly not the way God intended for you to live. Yes there are many hurts on this earth, yes you will be hurt, but that's not the end. Don't ever let that be the end, let that be the beginning of the journey in loving and giving and feeling, being free.
Buscaglia says, 'to keep you hidden, to lose you because of self-defeating ideas is to die. Don't let that happen. Your greatest responsibility is to become everything that you are, not only for your benefit, but for mine.'
So far in my own journey upon this earth I have learnt a great deal. I have waited to be proved wrong too many times. Instead of waiting I will go there and see and discover for myself. I will prove myself wrong and say that love is real, and that love does exist and that it has always been right there in front of me. I think we often let the idea of 'couples' define what love is, but perhaps we should always be looking at friendship first or Agape love, family love, God's love, maybe until we have done this, should we look at couples. Because the love of a wife and husband must first be rooted in the former ways. Perhaps then we will be able to say that we understand a little more, not everything, but a little more and that's better than before.
I'd like to end this post with a beautiful statement from the Dalai Lama:
Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.