Monday, 24 June 2013


Do you know I used to think many things about love, I had a million and one ideas about what I thought was love and what wasn't. The idea of romantic love made me question all that I had been raised to think. I thought that the blooming passion and sensitivity of romantic love was superficial. I had seen with my own eyes romantic 'love' that only lasted three weeks or two years at the most. I thought it told us to give up, that it only displayed a selfish and useless waste of emotion and time.

But there has always been a constant and grounded love in my life, one that has been with me from my very first breath and will be until my last, and that is God's love for me. A divine love for his children. Here is the difference: Divine - Natural... love.

When I am feeling disappointed with the 'love' presented in this world I look to my mother, to Jesus, to my family and friends and there I find love in action. There I am always encouraged that there is still love out there that is actually love. Do you know the world was trying to trick me to think that love was heartbreak and rejection or confusion?

Now I see that romantic love shouldn't be in one genre all on its own. If it is then we are all in trouble, because love shouldn't be classified. If it is only romantic than it will fade and wither once the passion subsides, if it is only selfish it will soon run out when the person stops liking the other person and wanting to be around them. Romance is good when enthused through selfless love, but it is certainly not everything, only one colour of the rainbow that makes love.

Leo Buscaglia, was a great lover of a man who aimed to live life and taste and feel and touch everything, even pain and despair, well he taught me that if love expects love in return, it was never love in the first place. Because love never expects, it doesn't need that to survive; love loves to love.

We don't have enough role models to look up to. Surrounding us are broken marriages and failing and fleeting relationships. This is a difficult area because there are many reasons for a breakdown, but I want to challenge the world to look out for unbiased, selfless and all-giving, unconditional love. Love that says 'hey I'm sorry that you don't want to be with me any more, or that you want to move out and start your own life, but I still love you. I'll never give you up! How can love ever change from what it is?' But humans fail and even mothers can give up their children, so we must constantly look to God to find a stable and all-encompassing love that never, ever fails. And if God could fail in his love for you, than he would cease to be God, because God is love, it is a circle that will never be broken.
Yes there may be instances where couples cannot remain together, or sisters or brothers fall out with each other, but we must try harder. We must strive to be like our creator.

Some people say that to be idealistic is ridiculous and not true to life, but where there is hope there is always life. And living life, I mean actually living (tasting food, touching the bark on trees, breathing the scent of summer) is loving. You cannot be dead and dried up and apathetic and be living and therefore you cannot be loving. When you embrace all that is found here on earth, even the trials and tears, you can love fully and wonderfully.

An answer: to risk. When we risk we gain. Even if it is loss because through that it has already changed us and change is good, it's healthy, it's human. We cannot learn unless we change.

Do you know why I think so many today are loosing out in relationships? Because they have lost themselves. They have lost what is so special about them. They have become overwhelmed in the idea of another person and have forfeited themselves.Perhaps they never found themselves from the start, perhaps their upbringing never taught them or showed them how to cherish their uniqueness. If so than now is the time to start seeing you. knowing you. You must learn to love you, to love yourself, if you miss that one aim in life, how can you possibly appreciate anyone else for how unique they are? I don't mean you have to be egotistical and big-headed- that is nowhere near what loving yourself should be. If you are egotistical than you are spoiling yourself, ruining yourself.
There is no one on earth quite like you that surely means that you were made to be just and only you!
If you don't love yourself you will be constantly afraid, you will be insecure, you will live in doubt and fear. You will place all your hopes and dreams upon someone else because only then do you think you will get what you deserve and then when they can't give you what you hunger for you breakdown and can't face the world any more or humanity. That's certainly not the way God intended for you to live. Yes there are many hurts on this earth, yes you will be hurt, but that's not the end. Don't ever let that be the end, let that be the beginning of the journey in loving and giving and feeling, being free.
Buscaglia says, 'to keep you hidden, to lose you because of self-defeating ideas is to die. Don't let that happen. Your greatest responsibility is to become everything that you are, not only for your benefit, but for mine.'

So far in my own journey upon this earth I have learnt a great deal. I have waited to be proved wrong too many times. Instead of waiting I will go there and see and discover for myself. I will prove myself wrong and say that love is real, and that love does exist and that it has always been right there in front of me. I think we often let the idea of 'couples' define what love is, but perhaps we should always be looking at friendship first or Agape love, family love, God's love, maybe until we have done this, should we look at couples. Because the love of a wife and husband must first be rooted in the former ways. Perhaps then we will be able to say that we understand a little more, not everything, but a little more and that's better than before.

I'd like to end this post with a beautiful statement from the Dalai Lama:

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.


  1. It's so good that you wrote a post about love, and writing as if pouring your soul out! It is always my favorite topic---love! :)
    You wrote that you have a million and one ideas about love, so I hope that you'd post more about love! :)

    I agree with you that romantic love is somewhat superficial. In my opinion, it is the most fragile of all loves..and actually it should not be called love at all, but rather passion or adoration or admiration. These things could disappear, but true love can't.

    In the movie "Shakespeare in Love," the Queen said that plays teach nothing about love, "they make it pretty, they make it comical, or they make it lust. They cannot make it true."
    But near the end of the movie the Queen was convinced that a play could show true love.
    But I think that what the Queen meant was "believable" instead of "true" love.
    The "pretty" (unconditional, undying, unchanging) love is also true and could happen in reality. But just because it is very rare (especially in romantic relationships) people think that such a love could not exist. But it exists! And it could even be between couples.

    I totally agree with what you wrote that "perhaps we should always be looking at friendship first or Agape love, family love, God's love, maybe until we have done this, should we look at couples. "

    I noticed that couples who have a purely romantic love often fail in their relationship. I noticed that only couples who also share friendship, family love, and God's love within their romantic relationship, are the couples who stay together through the end.
    I noticed that couples who stay together for so long and never seem to ever separate are the couples who not only treat each other as their romantic partner, but also treat each other as best friends, brother and sister, and also children of God.

    Couples who do not share friendship, sense of family belonging, and Godly love within their relationship are very fragile couples. Why? It's because without those loves in them, they are only left with mere passion for each other----that's why many couples fail: they only have passion as a binding force in their relationship. But passion is never as substantial as that one true love. So once passion fades, the relationship is over.

    I think one reason why people cannot understand love is because people tend to over-use the word "love." People always tend to use that word even for the most fickle feelings and emotions, even for the most superficial ones. If a person merely adores another, or admire, or feel passion, they'd use the word "love."

    In my opinion, couples should never use that word for the feelings they have for each other unless their feelings are driven with friendship, sense of family belonging, and God's central love. Only with those three ingredients could a couple say that they LOVE each other. :)

    Thank you soOoOOOo much for your wonderful post---I hope you'd post more like it! :)

    Oh your words would keep me pondering all day! Not because those were new ideas to me, but because I am so glad that someone believes the exact things that I believe! It's as if I thought---and you wrote my thoughts! :D :D
    You're so dear Kindred Spirit!

    I really do hope there would be more of these posts about l♥ve! :) It's just sooOOO nice! ♥

  2. Each of us can bring its fragile light to stand against darkness. Think about your family as if all its members were gently breezing on yours in order to make it brighter! May you imagine having someone in your life dedicated to doing this gentle breezing [ie: the task to help you make up yourself!]? There are many ways to live this.

    For sure one has to give up love as a state of mind [frankly described with its unstable tempers] and think of it rather as a direction. We may have our mind changing but it’s ok as long as we are not losing direction. We can't live in a freeze frame ! You’ve already gone far down that path, haven’t you?

    I'm not sure about risk. But if I could change your word with courage I would fully support the idea. So I restate your comment the way I understand it: courage provokes happiness and I’m (very) happy to start my day with that.

    Thanks for your post. It was genuine.


    1. I agree with what you said, but isn't taking risks stepping out in courage? You need courage to take risks in the first place.
      A lot of things in life can make you happy but it's your love of them that makes you react in joy.
      People do help you along your way, we are all taught by one another. Yet you learn because you want to learn, so you teach yourself in your own way.
      Life is great in all it's simplicities and complexities, but love is what makes it great.

    2. We all know that in big cities like London, 30% of marriages are expected to end in divorce but as long as our relatives are not part of it, it’s nothing but statistics. I am now surrounded by divorces and split up, by friends giving one another the bounce, sometimes with (very) young child left behind and that both breaks my heart and makes me feel soooooo frail and unsecured!

      Johanna, I spent some time today to think about that and your comment about risk. Pressure, competition, commoditisation is everywhere. We always have to do more, to stand more, to produce more. And we don’t know at the end what we are we going to get for it. Consciously or not, we are urged to manage our lives like a portfolio and we start thinking about mitigating risks.

      Today, the common factor I see in all those separations is that we love in a relative and neutral manner. We mitigate, we restraint, and we balance whereas, to have a slim chance to flourish and to give fruits, our commitments have to be radical. It is an absolute and subversive paradigm shift where risk is safe and balance hazardous. But we are short-sighted and shrink from what we wrongly consider danger, pain, or difficulty.

      So yes, we have to have the courage to risk it all so as not to become this new kind of hollow (wo)men, stuffed, vain, and despaired.

      Life is great in all it's simplicities and complexities, but love is what makes it great. Love : our single limb of contact with existence !


    3. It is such a shame to see such ruin, we can do something though- all is not lost! If we ourselves try our hardest we can pass it on to others we live with for a season. There will always be something more to learn from each other.

      Your thoughts and ideas are beautifully put, I agree with you.

  3. Love is giving energies - physically, spiritually - living on purpose, never aimlessly. Love is feeling then thinking, it's the pride and the stride. Love is one off, chasing glorious mistakes, which in the end no one denies. Love is a subtle way to seal our courage, to feel sorry in the distance, to place ourself over the world. We love God and God loves us, we love our family and they love us. I love you and you love me. Where is unconditional, unbalanced and pure love? And so I love ideas, to which my energies may flow, where my purposes glow. Thus if one day you wanna love me for real, please love the idea of our love [it's a deal!]

  4. Don't you agree with what I wrote? Please tell me what you don't agree with. It's always healthy if we express contrary ideas, because in that way, the other could learn :) A person could not just go on in life with only his own ideas throughout his life. A person also needs ideas from others in order to explore more :)

    I agree with the loveliest words that you wrote: "'hey I'm sorry that you don't want to be with me any more, or that you want to move out and start your own life, but I still love you. I'll never give you up! How can love ever change from what it is?' " :)

    Your words are the very epitome of unselfish love. When I read "Twelfth Night," I realized that its theme happens in real life. That most people care more for the feeling of being in love, rather than the object of that love.
    But your words are true: "How can love ever change from what it is?"
    In love, more important is the object of love, rather than the subject. In other words, one who truly loves is someone who follows more the interest of the one he loves, rather than his own interests. Its sacrificial, and there is seemingly no sacrifice because the one who loves loves to do it :)

  5. And I love how most of your statements are your own words and ideas, rather than quoting other people. I like your originality! :) :)

  6. Thank you for this very wise text. I have one question though, with which I am struggling in my current state of growth: If I love unconditionally, it doesn't matter with whom I share a relationship, nor does it matter if I do so at all. If I love unconditionally, I am completely self-sufficient immersed in the joy of being. So what was this romance-thing all about, again? Why would or wouldn't I want to live in a relationship, and how to decide with which person I want to live in a relationship, if everyone's as beloved as anyone else?

    As for the examples we can look up to learn unconditional love, I see little children, until the age of 5 to 7 (at least, many even until the age of 10), as our best teachers. Look how *they* absolutely live a life in giving unconditional love to their parents, or actually to anyone else who passes their way, too.
    So here there is the key of "becoming like a child", living that brightness again, which we have forgotten in the process of growing up. I have to consciously remind myself of this state of being on a constant basis - I'm learning it, and in encountering children, they can teach me so much of this love, even if it's just a short look while passing by on the street, it can take less than a second, and I have been reminded of the joyful state of being alive again. I thank you and everything else for this!